I was listening to a pastor talk about guilt, the people who come to him, who feel they are forgiven by God, but they just cannot forgive themselves. As a mother, I often times feel guilty. Guilty that I blew it with grace and gentleness with my children. Guilty that I am not giving each child what they need...the list could go on and on.
But this guilt is just the surface of my issues. Why do I feel guilty, and Why can I not let go of this guilt?
Here is my answer:
Because my 'god' at the moment CANNOT forgive me. My god in those moments is anything other than the true God...who is a living, breathing being who CAN, DOES, and HAS forgiven me. In these moments, my god is my idol of being a good mother, looking good to others, letting my parents down, my family, my hard work. Idols cannot forgive. So if I am having trouble forgiving myself, it is because I am looking to an idol to forgive me, or let me off the hook, which is not possible.
So many times, I question how I could feel the way I do if the TRUE God really loved me. And the answer is that He really does! It's the other things that don't love me that are getting in the way, that I am mistaking for Him.
When I look at the beauty of exactly How I have been forgiven, have a relationship with, and am LOVED by God, then it is so easy to forgive myself because those aspects where I do not measure up are also filled in, and covered by His Grace.
Note: These are just flowing thoughts that I am thinking of and am sharing on here because I need to get them out of my head to process them, and perhaps some of you are processing the same things!
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